I am a nightmare consumer

I'm the guy you hate to have on the other side of the counter.

I try my hardest to be polite at any retail establishment but I am quick to change from a very pleasant consumer into "Where the hell did that guy come from, I hope he doesn't ever come back" I have been on the other side of the counter so I know how bad it gets from that side, and I only direct it to those that deserve it in my opinion.

Most of of these situations have happened at fast food restaurants. Maybe it's because most of the counter people there are in a dead end job and know it. Or high school / college kids that could care less. I'll just stick with those stories for now.

Dairy Queen.
Well I wanted a sundae with hot fudge and caramel, one hot Texas afternoon. You would think this was a simple request, at least I thought so. So I go in walk up to the counter and here is how it went.

DQ Lady: What can I get for you today?
Me: I would like a large sundae with Hot Fudge and Caramel.
DQ Lady: I'm sorry we can't put two toppings on one sundae.
Me: That's ok I don't mind paying for the extra topping.
DQ Lady: I still can't do it, I can't put two toppings on one sundae.
Me: (Getting slightly miffed at this point) Ok can I buy two sundaes, One hot fudge and the other caramel and then instead of you putting the topping on each you make one with both and put nothing on the other one?
DQ Lady: No, my manager says we can't put two toppings on one sundae.
Me: But I'm willing to pay for two sundaes
DQ Lady: Well I could make two of them and smush them together for you.
Me: I don't want them smushed together I want one sundae with both toppings on it-
DQ Lady:(Cutting me off) I can't put two-
Me: (At this point a string of explatives and insults spewed forth - the filter between my brain and mouth completely shut down)


Two more stories from Mickey Ds
I'll preface this with the fact that I like McDonald's breakfast, I'm not much on their lunch\dinner though.

Mickey Ds One.
The setup"
It's about 5am one other customer in the store eating breakfast. Not a soul other than me at the counter or in line. I don't make special requests much at all when ordering food. I usually take what I can get. This particular morning I had been up all night and was tired as hell, I had been up all night working on scenes from a play, the character I was playing was a gangster type with a Brooklyn accent.

McDs Guy: Welcome to McDonald's may I take your order
Me: I would like a large cup of coffee and an Egg McMuffin but instead of a muffin could I get that on a biscuit instead.
McDs Guy: (in a snotty zitfaced teenager tone) We can't do that
Me: (changing to Brooklyn accent) Can you sell me a cup of coffee?
McDs Guy: Yes
Me: Can you sell me an Egg McMuffin?
McDs Guy: Yes
Me: Can you sell me a biscuit?
McDs Guy: Yes
Me: (Still in charachter and pissed because the guy has no clue about the point I am trying to make) Then sell me a cup of coffee, an Egg McMuffin and a fucking biscuit. Take all the insides from the Egg McMuffin put them on a biscuit and I could care less what you do with the damned muffin.
McDs Guy: (stunned - rings it up)

Yes I kept a hawk eye on the food being prepared at this point, never piss off people that serve you food if you can't watch them making it and don't go back for a while after you do.


Mickey Ds 2

My wife and I were out early one morning and decided to stop for breakfast later that morning. so we swing into a McDonalds. We order two breakfast meals. As I am waiting I look over at the serve screen and notice she put in the wrong breakfast sandwich.

Me: Excuse me Ma'am I think you may have put in a different sandwich from the one I ordered.
McDs Woman: (snotty) I don't know why they have me working breakfast, I usually work the luch hour. (at this point about 10 customers walk in - finished with me she turns to the new group incoming) Welcome to McDonalds.....
Me: (obviously irritated - my wife pats me on the arm trying to calm me)

So I wait for my order, My order comes out. A different girl throws my order down on the counter and heads back to handle others. I go ahead and check to see if in fact a mistake was made. I figure I could have been wrong. Nope it was the wrong one. Also no coffee at this point either. I get the second woman's attention after a few tries. I tell her what I ordered and she scowls at me like it's my fault the other lady didn't know what the hell she was doing. When the right sandwich comes out I also ask for the coffee. She pulls out two cups and sets them on the counter (self serve beverages at this one). So I go over to fill my coffee, put my cup under the spout, pull the lever ..... empty. Tilt the caraffe ..... bone dry. I go back up to the counter and stand there with my two empty coffee cups and try to flag someone down. I am still trying my best to be polite at this point. After about a minute, not very long I know, but being actively ignored my frustration built up quite a bit. In my mind I said "Fuck it". I walked behind the counter with my cups and started to fill my coffee cups myself.

Well that brought everything to a dead standstill. I had I don't know how many employees staring at me like deer caught in headlights and jaws dropped. I got one cup filled when a young guy walked around the corner and saw me. He very quickly started towards me with his hand out like he was going to grab me. Before he could get to me I put my hand up, pionted my finger right at his face and in almost a growl I said "Don't you fuck with me boy" that stopped him dead in his tracks with his arms raised up now non threateningly. (I haven't seen it but apparently I get an awful scowl on my face when I am pissed that frightens people, I have heard it described but I don't really believe it) Anyway he asks me sternly to step behind the counter. I comply and say I just wanted some coffee. He then fills the other cup up and walks away leaving them behind the counter(later thinking back he may have shit himself and had to go take care of things). So once again I walk behind the counter retrieve my coffee and calmly exit.

My wife who was obviously embarrased during the incedent, gets into the car and starts
laughing and says. "Don't you fuck with me boy" trying to immitate the above stated scowl.

A few of my friends have heard these stories and thought I should post them. I have heard more than a few times " I swear this guy does what most people just wish they could do. or He says the things people are thinking but would not ever dare to say." Yes this has come back to bite me more than a few times in my life but I don't think I could live any other way.